A Year With God, Day 19 of 366

Job 42:1-2

The Job replied to the Lord:

"I know that you can do all things;

no plan of your can be thwarted."

Is there any point in worrying?  If you believe in God and what the Bible says about Him, there really isn't.  'Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?' Luke 12:25.

And we are told that God knows us, every hair on our head, every action we will take, every thought we will have, and He knew it all before we were even born or even conceived.

So, why do I worry?  Worry seems like the ultimate in pride and unbelief rolled together.  I am so proud, that I think that I cand do better than God's plan for me?  I believe so little, that I think that God's plan can be broken by human error or carelessness?  Unlikely.

And yet I do worry.  I worry constantly.  I worry that I will somehow mess up God's plan.  That I am not good enough for God to want to take care of me.  This is a constant battle for me.  I keep thinking if only one thing will go right, then I will be able to stop worrying.  And yet a hundred things go right for me every day, only I am too busy worrying to notice them.  They might be small things, but still . . .

Is it too much to demand a sign?  Some obvious portent that I can hold in my heart as proof of God's plan?  Perhaps not.  It has been done before.  Even I once recieved a sign when I prayed for one.  But only that one time.   Or perhaps there were signs, but I missed them.  That is most possible of all.

I want to be in God's will.  I think that His will involves me writing.  That is the reason behind this blog, after all.  But I don't see how writing a simple blog will pay my rent or put food on my table.  And that is a lack of trust in God.  I know this, but it still terrifies me.

So, God, please, give me a sign.  Show me mercy and help me support my family.  Comfort me with the knowledge that I will be taken care of in this life as well as the next, and that those I care for will be taken care of as well.

Amen.