A Year With God, Day 121 of 366

Today, I got to thinking about walking a dog.  I talked to a dog trainer once, and she said, 'a walk is not Excercise, it's a leadership exercise.'.

And it's true.  Walking with a dog is not relaxing.  You have to constantlty monitor the dog, to make sure she's not running ahead, or lagging behind, or chasing a cat, or eating something disgusting, or preparing to run into oncoming traffic.

God is called the Good Shepherd, with references to the amount of care that sheep take.  But He could also be the Good Dogwalker. 

When it comes to my walk with God, I am a lot like my dog.  I always want to rush ahead to things I'm not ready for.  I tend to lag behind and dwell on that past.  I am easily distracted by the wordly things around me.  I sometimes corrupt myself with sin.  And occasionally, my self-destructive tendencies make me want to dive into dangerous situations.

Luckily God is patient and kind.  He tugs gently on the rope when I get too far ahead or behind, to remind me that I need to by right there by His side.  He only yanks hard when I am about to get hurt, and when I've ignored his more gentle attempts to direct me.

And best of all God knows the path we're taking, even when I don't.  I need to trust him to keep me on the right path.  Because without him I'm just dodging cars and hoping for the best.

A Year With God, Day 120 of 366

So, the last few days, I have had the song, 'Manic Monday' stuck in my head.  The girl in it complais about all the stuff she has to do, and how her life is always so busy and stressful.  And then she wishes it was Sunday, 'That's my fun day, my I don't have to run day.'

That's how Sunday should be for believers.  Going to church should be a fun thing-- something to look forward to instead of a chore one has to do. 

I occasionally feel like staying home, instead of going to church on Sunday.  Sometimes, I do stay home.  But whenever I make myself go, I'm always glad I did.  There's something refreshing about beuing in God's house, surrounded by people who believe in Him. 

It might be hard to make myself go to church, especially after I haven't gone for a while.  But once I do, I remember what a fun day Sunday is, and I want to go back next week.

A Year With God, Day 119 of 366

This morning, I went to wash my hands, and I found myself staring at the towel rack.  The image of a towel just stuck in my head.  It seemed like a strange topic for today's blog, but then I thought about it.

God is rather like a towel.  You never notice He's missing from your life until you need Him, and He's not there.  If you've ever stepped out of the shower, and reached for a towel, only to realize you forgot to hang a fresh one up after you started that last load of laundry, then you know what I mean.

And like that towel, if God is missing, it's because we forgot to put Him there, not because He didn't want to be there for us.

So like The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy says, always carrry a towel.  And always bring God with you, too.

A Year With God, Day 118 of 366 (belated)

Yesterday I woke up just feeling sad and depressed.  I'm not sure why.  It just felt like the weight of the world was pressing down on me.

Then I went to work.  I had a split shift with a two hour break between the two shifts.  My husband needed the car, so I walked over to my mom's to visit her, since she lives near where I was working.  As I was walking, there were clouds in the sky but no rain.  There was a nice fresh breeze blowing.

And suddenly I realized I felt good.  It's rare lately that I have a few minutes completely alone, and I need that.  I used to walk for miles and hours when I was a kid in the country, and I really really miss that.

That walk soothed my soul, as trite as that might be to say.  So, thank you, God for giving me that time.  You must have known I needed it.

A Year With God, Day 117 of 366

This morning, I stepped out in the rain for a brief walk, and as I went, I had a strange realization.  I was thinking back to when I was a kid, with my four older sisters.  My mother would make a big breakfast with pancakes every Sunday morning.  And I remember one day looking at my mom as she was cooking, and seeing a strange look in her eyes.

Today, it occured to me that sometimes she resented us kids--and possibly my father.  She had been making pancakes for probably half an hour.  I imagine she was hungry, but all of us were mowing through the pancakes as fast as she could make them, and she finally just took one and gulped it down while she kept cooking.

I think it's natural to feel resentment at times like those.  And it's not something I saw on her face every week, so I don't think it was a constant thing.

But it just makes me hope we showed her how much we loved and appreciated all the things she did for us, and the sacrifices she made--big and small.

And now it occurs to me that when the Bible says that God is like a father, maybe it doesn't mean that He's a disciplinarian, or that He makes the rules (or not just that), but also that He makes sacrifices for our good. 

I always kind of knew that, but thinking about my mom today, it suddenly clicked in my mind.  I hope He knows how much I appreciate His sacrifices, too.

A Year With God, Day 116 of 366

There is an episode of the original Star Trek that is titled, 'For the World is Hollow and I Have Touched the Sky'.  At least I think that's the title.  It might have just been a line from the episode, but it stuck in my mind.

I believe the premise was that a race of people found out that what they thought was their planet was actually a giant spaceship.  I don't remember all the details, I'm afraid.

But it just makes me think.  The world is hollow, meaningless, temporary.  I, as a believer in Christ have touched the sky, because I know I am going to a place of unimaginable beauty when I die.

I shouldn't be so worried about the things of the earth.  My thoughts should be fixed on heavenly things, instead.  (I'm pretty sure Paul wrote something to that effect at least once.)

That phrase is pretty much Christianity in a nutshell--the world is hollow, and I have touched the sky.

A Year With God, Day 115 of 366

Today I made a start on a new way of thinking. 

It felt good.

I am reminded that while I can't control what others do or feel, I am in control of myself, my emotions and my actions.  And that is a good feeling.

Thank you, Lord for making me me.  I am glad you did.

A Year With God, Day 114 of 366

I came to the realization today that I am not happy.  A lot of it is because my husband has chronic back pain, which causes him to be grouchy and over sensitive a lot of the time.  The trouble is, it's hard for me to separate when he's in a bad mood because of his pain, and when he's in a bad mood because of something I did.  Or, most likely if something I did that was mildly irritating becomes a much bigger deal because he's in pain.

And I have gotten in the habit of letting it slide-- like when someone has a cold, or is injured, you cut them some slack because it's only temporary.  But this is no longer temporary, and that means I can't act like it is, because it's not working for me.

I am not sure how to deal with all of that.  But I am thinking of things that I need, and have decided to make a commitment to take care of myself.  Not to the exclusion of my husband, but just for myself.

1.  If I get up first, I will take my turn in the bathroom, before anything else.
2.  If I pour coffee for both of us, I will pour mine first, and take a sip before pouring my husband's.
3.  I will take a little time in the morning, while he is waking up and drinking his first cup of coffee, to write, either on this blog, or on a story.  That is my quest, the thing I passionately desire to do-- to write, and I haven't been doing much of it lately.
4.  I will work on defining how I feel, and expressing it better.
5.  I will find someone to talk to about this, who can help me communicate better.

I am sure there are other things.  This seems like such a short list, but it seems huge to me.  Small steps, for 1-3, and 4 and 5 terrify me, to be honest.

I know this isn't a God-centered post tonight, but I feel He's been trying to teach me something about this, so . . here it is.

And Jesus did say, 'love your neighbor as yourself', and I think I need to spend a little more time loving myself.

A Year With God, Day 113 of 366 (belated)

I have recently had the opportunity to spend time with an eleven year old girl.  It has been an interesting experience, to say the least.

She is very opinionated, and she sees everything in black and white.  If someone she knows says something, it must be true.  If one or a few people act or look a certain way, then that is how everyone must be.  She is sure she knows best in many things in her life.

I remember Jesus said that we must be like little children when it comes to God.  I suspect he referred more to that innocent sense of trust, and not so much the arguing and whining over every request made of them.

But young people (She laughed when I said that some her age might be offended to be called 'children'.)  Seem so sure of themselves.  I envy them that, even though I know it's an illusion.  Children hold tight to what they know, so they can counteract uncertainty with the familiar.  What has been always well be, because change is scary.

Now that sounds familiar.  And God, like a good parent wants to guide and teach His children, so they can grow and be unafraid as they walk through life.

That is a comforting thought.

A Year With God, Day 112 of 366

Today, I am reminded of the little songs we used to make up as kids.  The tribute to a friend's teddy bear, titled, 'Chocolate Ice Cream . ..  . Why did you go into the fire?'

(No teddy bears were harmed in the writing of that song, although the falls are probably still raining down upon the crawdads.)

Or the song about the fun crazy times I had in grade school-- 'I"m Majorly Insane'.

To those who weren't there, this probably doesn't make sense.  But to me, they bring back happy memories.  Getting anyone else to understand would take a lot of explanations.

I think that our relationship with God should be like that.  Something we can think of at any random time, and smile or laugh and feel good.  Enough that someone can see that it matters to us.  But explaining why could take a lifetime.

A Year With God, Day 111 of 366 (belated)

Yesterday, I talked about how I like my job.  But today is my day off, and I am in bliss at the thought.  I am going to do laundry, then laze around and spend time with my husband all day.  Then cook a nice dinner for the both of us, and get to bed before midnight.

And tomorrow morning, I will be going to church.  I thought I would have to work a morning shift, but I got the call yesterday, that they found someone else to cover it.

And once again, I think of how wise God is.  He tells us to take a day of rest each week.  And He tells us to spend some time in fellowship with others, praising Him and praying and meditating on His word.

And people need that.  I know I do.  Work is good, and rest is good, and God is good, and I need all of that in my life, and in the proper balance.

A Year With God, Day 110 of 366

I like my job.  I am working now taking care of people who are coming to the end of their lives.  The job has its ups and downs, but as far as the actual work goes, I really enjoy it.  (Thank you, Sarah and Mary for encouraging me to do it).

I have met some very interesting people.  Some sweet, some obstinate, and some with totally different values than I have.  I got along with some, with others not so much.  But even the most aggravating of them, I find myself valuing.

When it comes to that time of one's life, it seems, one has to decide what's really important, and focus on that thing-- or those things.  For some it's maintaining their lifestyle.  For others, it's extending their life.  For some it's just a matter of being made comfortable for the time they have left.  And some are worried about taking care of the family they'll leave behind.

I have always found people fascinating.  And I've been given the opportunity to meet some very fascinating people in the past few months.  It puts me even more in awe of God's ability to make each of us unique, and give us each our own way of dealing with things.

A Year With God, Day 109 of 366

All my blog ideas seem to revolve around being tired these days, I guess because I've been working long hours, and later at night.

I think of a song I learned in college-- Jesus Christ, The Apple Tree.

I'm weary with my former toil,
Here I will sit and rest awhile.
Under the shadow I will be,
 of Jesus Christ, the apple tree.

I am never so glad to be home as when I am tired after a long day--or night--of working.

I imagine going to heaven wil be like that, only much more so.  Because when I get there, all my toiling and trouble will be behind me.

A Year With God, Day 108 of 366

I bought my Easter candy a day or two after the holiday.  It was 50% off, which was much closer to my budget than full price.

 I think God doesn't care so much when we celebrate the events He planned, just so long as we remember them.   Like Communion-- it's 'Do this as often as you do, in remembrance of me'  Or however the wording goes.  It's not 'do this every month' or 'every year on the 17th of April'. 

So I don't think God would mind me buying Easter candy a few days late, as long as I remember what Easter is really about.

A Year With God, Day 107 of 366

What a difference a day makes.  One day was the difference between light and dark, between earth and see, between the great flood and the ark landing on the mountain.

One day's difference can be sunlight after rain, rest after sleeplessness, health after sickness . . . death after life, and life after death.

One day can be the difference between darkest despair and the tomb is empty, Jesus is Lord!

The Bible says, 'Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will take care of itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.'

And it's true.  If today was horrible for you, remember tomorrow might be totally different.  And if today was wonderful, savor that, for tomorrow might be a day of trouble for you.

In either case, remember God loves you.

A Year With God, Day 106 of 366

Tonight, I am tired--like bone weary, fighting to keep my eyelids up tired.

And so random thoughts are drifting through my head, and I find myself unable to focus on any one thought.

I am grateful for leftover pizza, and the fridge we can keep it in, so it doesn't go bad before we eat it.

I am grateful for our coffee pot, even though we have to be careful how we put the pot in, or it won't brew right.

I am grateful for the rain, even though it makes the ground soggy and muddy, and my shoes get dirty when I go outside.

I am grateful that there are programs that can help those who don't have insurance or the money to pay for medical treatment, even though the paperwork is so difficult to wade through.

I am grateful for my job, that I enjoy what I do, even though it means working odd hours, long shifts, and often with very little notice.

I am grateful that my husband is willing to cook me dinner, so when I come home at 10 pm, something hot is waiting for me to eat.

I am grateful for this blog, even if no one sees it but me, because it helps me in ways that I can't even define.

I am grateful for friends and family, nearby and far away.  I love y'all, and I don't say that enough.

A Year With God, Day 105 of 366

I am glad God designated a day of rest.  People need that.  I have to work on my day of rest this week, which makes me appreciate it even more.

P.S. Happy Birthday, Moma.

A Year With God, Day 104 of 366

Today was a day of ominous clouds and  things to do.  I got called in to work, which is a good thing, though I'd rather be home, to be honest.

But I am glad to be working, and to be earning money to help support my family.  I remind myself why I do this, and it makes it easier.

Not to say that I don't enjoy my work, but it's hard to be away from my home and my small family.  I am beginning to realize how much of a motivation it is, having someone else's welfare to worry about.  I guess that's how God feels about us.  We are his family, and His family is enormous.

I work hard for the benefit of my husband.  How much more would I be willing to work if I loved a million people as much as I loved my husband.

I am tired, and my brain is fuzzy.  Another advantage of working--it makes me sleep better.

A Year With God, Day 103 of 366

So once again I sit at my computer at bedtime, wondering what to write for today's blog.

I had a thought yesterday, so let me see if I can articulate it.  I was thinking about several books I've been reading that deal with Greek gods lately, and I was thinking about how thier personalities were rather like peoples'.  Because the gods came from men, so they reflect the character of man.

But then thinking about God . . . well in essence the thought I had came down to this:  If you asked every person in America what God was like, they would each give a different answer. 

And I think that's because how we think of God still comes from our own experiences--like the ancient Greeks I suppose.  But in contrast to the Greek gods, God made us in His own image, so instead of gods taking on certain aspects of humanity, humans are in fact a reflection of God.

God is immense.  He knows all.  He can do anything.  His personality is unfathomable.  But I think every person in the world has a little piece of God in them.  Perhaps if we could put together every personality of every person who ever lived, then we would have an accurate picture of what God is like.

And how hard is that to picture?  That is what God is like.

A Year With God, Day 102 of 366

So tonight in the shower, the scab on my knee broke open and started bleeding.  I went to put a band-aid on it, and dropped it on the floor.  The cover was still on it, so I used it anyway, though I had a moment's doubt about the wisdom of doing so.

Two minutes later, I heard my husband call out, 'You better not be using a band-aid that fell on the floor.'

I went back to the bathroom, took off the first band-aid, doused my knee with peroxide and put a fresh band-aid on it.

I am not sure how my husband knew that the first bandage fell on the floor.  Perhaps his hearing is just that acute.  Perhaps I was muttering louder than I thought I was.  Perhaps it was simply instinct, because he knows me very well.

Whatever the reason, my husband cares about me, even in the very small things like a scrape on my knee.  God is the same way.  He is watching over me, and cares if my scrapes get infected or my shoes get wet in the rain.  God cares about the little things.

And that is rather nice.

A Year With God, Day 101 of 366

Today, I fell down.  It was really the only thing of note that happened to me today, sadly enough.  I came out of my apartment, and my foot slipped off the edge of the sidewalk.  The next thing I knew, I was on my backside on the concrete with a scuff on my elbow and a skinned knee.

Aside from being embarrassed, it got me thinking.  Human beings are meant to get back up when we fall.  I almost said we were meant to fall down, but I don't think that's really true. 

But we have strong bone to bear our weight, and elbows and knees that bend to absorb impact.  Our spines twist and bend to keep us from falling on our faces (or at least mine did today, thought I'm not quite sure how), and our backsides are padded to cushion our landing.

I'm not sure what all this really means.  I'm sure someone could divine some deep interpretation of it all, but that someone is smarter than I.

I simply find it reassuring that God gave me a body resilient enough to get back up after falling down.  And I know that God, like my husband today, will be right there when I fall, ready to offer me a helping hand when I need one.

And that is enough for me.

A Year With God, Day 100 of 366

So today is the 100th day of my official blog, and I've written something for almost every one of those days.  I feel a sense of accomplishment because of that.

Have I learned anything from this so far?  I guess that there's something satisfying about sticking to a commitment.  It's like flossing my teeth. I do so every night.  There are maybe two days out of every year that I am too tired or sick to floss, and it bothers me when I don't.

The few minutes I take out of my day to write each entry mean something to me, though I'm not entirely sure what.  It's a little block of time when I block everything out but me and God, and I put my fingers on the keyboard and see what shows up on the screen.

I continue to believe that God is pleased by what I write, and that still gives me a feeling of . . . awe, I guess is the right word.

So I close with a prayer that god will continue to give me interesting things to write about for the next 266 days.

A Year With God, Day 99 of 366

So, today was Easter . . is Easter.    The pastor mentioned that verse in Romans 8, where Paul lists off all the things that cannot separate us from God.  And it says, 'neither death, nor life . . . ' 

Which I never really noticed before.  I thought, 'Life?  How could life separate us from God?'  And then I thought about it, and realized that it's true. 

The busy-ness and the worries and to-do lists are what does distract me from God.  Life gets in the way of living for God.

Which is a strange thought, but it makes sense to me, now that I thought about it.  Even good things can distract us from God, but in the end even all of that can't take me out of God's hands.

A Year With God, Day 98 of 366

Today, there was sun.  It's always nice to see the sun after a lot of rain . . . or snow.  It's like the rainbow, a promise of hope.

Funny thing about hope, I can be beat down and I can think I'm done hoping, and then there's a sunny after noon, or I find a quarter on the sidewalk, or some small thing happens, and without even thinking about it, I have hope again.

Hope springs eternal . . isn't that the saying?  It's true, though.  It really is. 

Funny, too how the same things come up in my life, and it's like I'm seeing them for the first time.  I have talked several times about hope here, and yet I am still surprised by it.

I think there's some deep meaning behind that, but I don't know what it is.

A Year With God, Day 97 of 366

There was a follow-up thought from last night's blog that I wanted to talk about tonight.  Now, what was it?

Oh, yes.  It's sort of the flip side of how hard it is to drop everything and follow Jesus.  And that is, that a lot of times, it's easier to be 'holy' when you're away from your regular life.  I've heard it referred to as the 'mountaintop experience.'

I think of how I moved to a town where I literally knew no one.  It was hard in a lot of ways, but I was able to define myself however I wanted to, and become the person I wanted to be.  (Or at least I had the potential to do so.  I'm sure I could have done better, if I'd put more thought into it.)

In the same way, it's easy to have faith and talk about following God when you're surrounded by people who feel the same way. 

But when you're back home, and it's Wheel of Fortune and Fox News instead of campfire Christian singalongs every night, and the mornings are filled with talk shows and water cooler gossip instead of devotions and inspirational speakers . . . well it's not so easy then.

I know it's hard to go and be a missionary and try to convert people who've never heard of the Bible, or those that are dead set against it.  But I think it can be even harder to do so in the normal life you've always lived.

And that's another thing I wish I could be doing better myself.

A Year With God, Day 96 of 366

Today, I truly felt that if Jesus walked by my apartment and said, 'Leave what you're doing and follow me.' I would have done it in a heartbeat.

I am not usually the impulsive sort.  I'd normally be thinking, what about my husband?  And I need to brush my hair before I go.  And  what about lunch?

But not today.  Today I would have gone gladly.  This is less a measure of my devotion to God as it is a measure of how tired and frustrated I was feeling.

But it did make me wonder about when Jesus called his disciples and told them they had to come immediately.  I don't entirely understand why.   Would it be so bad to wait while they sent a note home to their dad saying, 'Going with  Jesus. Not sure when we'll be home.  Love you.'? 

But then again, as I think my way through it, I remember that I am a procrastinator.  I would have written the note, and then thought I'd better say goodbye in person, and then I'd be at home, and I'd be washing dishes and vacuuming and baking something special to tide my parents over til I got back . . . and the long and short of it is, if I didn't go with Jesus immediately, I never would.

A Year With God, Day 95 of 366

This is my 100th blog post.  Yay, me!  I guess.

I have honestly not put as much time and effort into this bog as I would like.  I just never seem to have the time and energy for it.

But even the few minutes I do find to devote to it help me clear my mind and feel better about things.  So I still consider this to be effective.

I don't write well when I'm stressed.  I don't write well when there are distractions, like other people around me.  I am not sure how to overcome that problem.  I can sometimes focus on my writing to the point where I forget anyone else is there.  But then that person wants to talk to me, and gets upset that I'm not paying attention . . .


But that's not the point I wanted to make.  I really feel that God led me to create this blog, and I am grateful that He did so.

A Year With God, Day 94 of 366

Years ago, I worked for a summer at an RV park.  Yesterday I drove by that place, only to find it closed.  there was nothing left but an empty field dotted with RV hookup posts.  It reminded me of a graveyard.

I was sad when I saw it, and wondered what had happened to the people who used to live there.  I prayed that they all went to some better place, but I know that some probably did not.  There is no way for me to know for sure.

Just like there is no way to know who is saved and who is not, from looking at the outside.  Only God can know for sure who truly believes in Him.

And all we can do is trust God to protect and care for those we love.

A Year With God, Day 93 of 366

So, today we had sun and warm weather.  It was a nice change from the cold and rain we've been having the past week or so. 

So, today I am thankful for the sun and daisies and happy pets.

I have come to the conclusion that I have to enjoy the good things in life, however simple, when they come.

God loves flowers.  After all, he made them.  So I should take a moment to enjoy them when I see them.

A Year With God, Day 92 of 366 (belated)

I know I have been running a day behind with my blog posts lately.  I worked a couple of overnight shifts, and it threw me off.

I like schedules.  I like knowing what's coming, and when I'll be working, and that how much money I'll have coming in to pay my bills.  I don't like uncertainty.

But the truth of the matter is, nothing in life is really certain.  If we were all born with a schedule showi g every day of our lives up until the moment we die, that might be convenient, but it wouldn't be living. 

And frankly, I think  it would get boring pretty quickly.  A little uncertainty and unexpectedness is a good thing.  It reminds us that there is more to life than what we plan for.  And God often gives us something better than we could imagine when we get knocked off our plan and onto his.

But still, I'd rather have a little less uncertainty in my life right now.

A Year With God, Day 91 of 366 (belated)

I just got home from a twelve hour shift at work, that turned into a fourteen hour shift, because my relief called in sick.

The first thing I did when I got home was take off my shoes and socks.  I immediately felt better. It struck me to write a blog about it, and then I wondered, what do feet have to do with God?

Then I thought of Jesus washing the disciples' feet.  After hours on their feet, walking with Jesus, their feet must have been tired and sore.  There is a lot of symbolism and deeper meaning behind the concept of foot-washing, but the simple fact that taking care of one's feet makes one feel better.

Because God cares about me.  Every part of me, not just my head or my heart, but also my feet.  And that's comforting.