A Year With God, Day 4 of 366

Today, I started thinking about Judas.

He sold Jesus out for 30 pieces of silver, and is often referred to as if he were the ultimate sinner.  I find him rather sad, actually.

He probably thought, 'Oh, well if I don't tell the Romans where Jesus is, someone else will.  It's not as if He is trying to hide or anything.'

And I imagine he also had the idea that Jesus would miraculously escape capture.  He'd seen Jesus perform many miracles, after all-- healing the sick, feeding the hungry, walking on water, even raising the dead.  Judas might even have thought that Jesus could argue his way out of any charges.  Jesus did have a way with words, and he knew the Bible like no one else (even though this was technically before the Bible existed).

So Judas told the Roman soldiers where to find Jesus, and Jesus was arrested, tried and ultimately crucified.  And afterwards, Judas bought a field with his thirty pieces of silver, and hanged himself out of guilt and fear.

I have heard it said that Judas went to Hell for betraying Jesus.  I don't think that's entirely accurate.

It says in Ephesians 4:30, 'Do not grieve the Holy Spirit.'  It is said that doing so is the only unforgivable sin.  What grieves the Holy Spirit is the failure to believe in God's power.

I do believe Judas grieved the Holy Spirit, not by his betrayal of Jesus, but by his failure to believe that it could be part of God's plan, by his failure to turn away from his sin of betrayal.

Peter denied knowing Jesus three times, but he was turned back from that denial, and later spoke boldly on Jesus' behalf.  Paul persecuted Christians and even stood  watching as Stephen was stoned, making him an accessory to murder, if not a murderer in deed.   And he repented, and became a great advocate for the very Christians he once persecuted.

So, what is the difference between these two men and Judas?  They were turned from their sin by a pretty serious sign from God. 
Perhaps Judas received such a sign and ignored it.  Perhaps he gave up before God sent him a sign, which is a very sad sign indeed.  Perhaps Judas couldn't face the other disciples. 

I think, though, that he somehow thought he'd messed up God's plan.  What a strange mixture of despair and hubris that must be-- to think that a mere human could counter all the omnipotent power of God.  The ironic thing about it is, if Jesus had not been betrayed, then he would not have been arrested and crucified, which provided the sacrifice to blot out every one's sin.

By doing so, he proved himself more doubting than Thomas, and that is what would send him to hell, not the betrayal itself.

And yet, if Judas had not betrayed Jesus, I know that God would have brought things about another way.  Someone else might have betrayed him, or the soldiers might have just run across Jesus randomly in the street one day.

I think that destiny is not so much God controlling what we do, but rather God knowing what we will do in advance.  Is it really fate, if it would have happened any way?

Perhaps, before he took that final step, Judas asked for forgiveness, just as the thief on the cross beside Jesus.  If he did so, I am confident that he was forgiven and I will see him in Heaven someday.

I hope that is the case, because God will forgive even the worst offenses, and that is comforting to me, as I know my own sinful heart.